I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
