just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
