youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
