Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
