the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize