just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
