Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize