it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
