I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Randomize
