Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
