we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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