Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
