Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
