I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
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he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
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I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
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