We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
