i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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