It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
