so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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