we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
