I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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