it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
