I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
