i just made my gag reflex go away.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
