I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
