so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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