Your tits are I can't wait for
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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