u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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