I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The struggles of a small town man whore
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
