She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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