how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
