I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
