Soap is not a condiment
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
