You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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