After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
