my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
