Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
