well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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