Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The uberlube is also flammable
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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