So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
