yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
