I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
