im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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