Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
