A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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