my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
