I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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