well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
