I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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