he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize