Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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