Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
