I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Two words: blizzard sex
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
