how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize