It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
