I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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