I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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