You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize