I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
