Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
this hospital has no fireball
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Randomize
