where am i from again
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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