I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
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These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
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Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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