im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
