Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
