I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
