He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
