just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
