I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
