Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My ATM looks so different sober.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
