You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
