dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Even my vagina gasped.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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