if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
