God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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