So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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