So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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