I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
