I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
